FuckItJS

Javascript Error Steamroller

FuckItJS uses state-of-the-art technology to make sure your javascript code runs whether your compiler likes it or not.

Technology

Through a process known as Eval-Rinse-Reload-And-Repeat, FuckItJS repeatedly compiles your code, detecting errors and slicing those lines out of the script. To survive such a violent process, FuckItJS reloads itself after each iteration, allowing the onerror handler to catch every single error in your terribly written code.

Installation

Include jQuery, because everything requires jQuery
Include “fuckit.js”
The End

API

FuckIt(path_to_your_shitty_script_file)

This will keep evaluating your code until all errors have been sliced off like mold on a piece of perfectly good bread. Whether or not the remaining code is even worth executing, we don’t know. We also don’t particularly care.

FuckIt returns a promise that will be resolved once your godforsaken code actually makes it to the finish line. You can use this callback to chain additional FuckIt calls, since we all know calling it once won’t do enough damage to the Internet.

FuckIt.noConflict()

Are you using two different FuckIt libraries? Fuck it, use FuckIt.NoConflict. Of course, this won’t really help since FuckItJS reloads itself multiple times and will continually overwrite the global FuckIt variable, but hey… at least you can feel like you’re doing something smart.

FuckIt.moreConflict()

Are you tired of running from conflict? Are you ready to overwrite every single property on the global window object even if it crashes your browser? Then this method is for you.

Browser Compatibility

Really? Really?

FAQ

1) Is this a good idea?

Of course not. This is quite possibly the worst javascript plugin ever written.

2) Isn’t “eval” evil?

See Question #1.

3) Help! I have way too much money and desperately need to give a sizeable portion of it to you!

Have no fear: I am now accepting donations via GitTip! https://www.gittip.com/mattdiamond/

Support

For technical issues: @mattdiamond on Twitter, or e-mail me at mdiamond@jhu.edu

For personal issues: Take a deep breath, it’s going to be okay.

LICENSE

Permission is hereby granted, free of charge, to any person obtaining a copy of this software and associated documentation files (the “Software”), to deal in the Software without restriction, including without limitation the rights to use, copy, modify, merge, publish, pulverize, distribute, synergize, compost, defenestrate, sublicense, and/or sell copies of the Software, and to permit persons to whom the Software is furnished to do so, subject to the following conditions:

The above copyright notice and this permission notice shall be included in all copies or substantial portions of the Software.

If the Author of the Software (the “Author”) needs a place to crash and you have a sofa available, you should maybe give the Author a break and let him sleep on your couch.

If you are caught in a dire situation wherein you only have enough time to save one person out of a group, and the Author is a member of that group, you must save the Author.

THE SOFTWARE IS PROVIDED “AS IS”, WITHOUT WARRANTY OF ANY KIND, EXPRESS OR IMPLIED, INCLUDING BUT NOT LIMITED TO BLAH BLAH BLAH ISN’T IT FUNNY HOW UPPER-CASE MAKES IT SOUND LIKE THE LICENSE IS ANGRY AND SHOUTING AT YOU.